that’s what yasi asked me last week 2 weeks ago.

what is twitter? ok, let me break it down for you… remember your old friend friendster? you got bored with friendster, then you got on myspace, right? even though you probably didn’t really want to, you were fine with friendster, but it got too slow and no one was on anymore.  so BOOM you’re on myspace.  and you’re like REALLY good at myspace. you’re adding funny pictures in the background, you have 17 different albums of your face, and you’re leaving your friends glittery comments like “you’re a hottie” .. the works! all sorts of shit that totally slows the loading of your page and pisses people off. i mean you’re going BIG. hell, you even started blogging on myspace. (insert glittery “you go girl!” flashing .gif here)

then what happens??

fucking facebook shows up on the scene.

and again, you’re like no way dude i’m never joining that shit! i’ve got over a 1,000 friends on myspace. i’m HUGE on myspace.  

hey. guess what.

now no ones on fucking myspace anymore. grrrrreat, here we go again.

okay so facebook, facebook is great! i’m connected to everyone i’ve EVER known in the universe including people from kindergarten and their moms! literally. not kidding. admit it you’re friends with someone’s mom on facebook, or you know someone who is. and you’ve got even better tools to network with…. you have UPDATES!  now you’re going thru the motions of telling people you haven’t seen in years exactly what you’re doing at all times. Jens is drunk. Jens is feeling fat. Jens is crying she has no job. Jens wants hot wings… jens is.. annoying you yet??

okay camera guy you following me??
TWITTER. or TWEET. TAH-DAH!

yeaaaa tweet tweet motherfucker! i love this shit. now i can quietly tell a couple people exactly what i’m doing. no bigs. this is great! i can remember what happened last nite by all the one liners and zingers i tweeted. this fucking rules! i can link to shit. i can upload pictures. i can follow awesome people:

exhibit a: @THE_REAL_SHAQ

(ps. he’s one of my faves, SHAQ, he’s a pisces too.)

exhibit B: @jimmyfallon

(ahem. i will say, i’m still pissed at @jimmyfallon for not replying to my tweet about this blog post. whatever fallon, at least i know how to spell TIMBERLAKE.)

WAIT A MINUTE! there’s even @kobe_bryant tweeting in japanese! 

(i know i know its a fake. i’m still waiting for a kate moss, morrissey, and bill murray that’s not a fake too.)

you know who you don’t want to follow though> @noreaga , dude makes no sense. he speaks in some language called  superthug i think:

(for the record i DO STILL  follow him..he had beef w. perez the other day. that was hysterical.)

 

so guess what. now everyone’s slowly making their way to twitter.

why? cos we’re lurking narcissists. nosey fucks. that’s why. and we’re gonna keep on being that way till we end up robots. and if someone says “you tweet too much,” tell ‘em “then stop following me.” duh. if you don’t like what i say then why are you listening?  later fag. and when they ditch you, you can ditch them too, and no longer have to be twitter friends! hey, now that i think about it. this is a good way to get a lot of  fake ass tweeters outta your life. mmm….

 

now go on!

don’t talk about it tweet about it.

 

oh ps. the private thing is to know who’s lurking you. but if you like deny people, then well,  you’re an asshole. so just keep that in mind. ‘tweets are watching.

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